UK Halloumi Shortage: This Is Not A Drill

This is not a drill. We repeat: this is not a drill. The UK is running out of halloumi. Remember when KFC ran out of chicken? We coped, just about. CO2 supplies are running low, affecting the production of beer and fizzy drinks; we can get by. But a halloumi shortage? This sounds like hell(oumi).

Halloumi might be almost impossible to melt, but civilised society could be on the risk of a full-scale meltdown.

Apparently we’ve become so dependent on halloumi fries and ordering halloumi as well as chips, mash and garlic bread (stop judging) at Nando’s that producers of the squeaky cheese in Cyprus just can’t keep up with demand.

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There just aren’t enough goats and sheep in Cyprus to produce all the milk needed for our halloumi obsession, it would seem.

Speaking to the Daily Mail, John Pittas of Pittas, a leading halloumi supplier to the UK, explained his company was spending extra cash driving the cheese across Europe to make sure it gets to halloumi dependents quicker than via boat. According to the article, Brits are “heartbroken” at the current lack of halloumi.

So what are we meant to do? The Guardian has published an article on alternatives to get you through the crisis, which includes a few questionable suggestions like potato salad, peppers and cauliflower steak. We can only assume that the lack of halloumi has got to the writer’s head, as none of those even resemble cheese.

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Feta did feature on the list too, but feta is not better (just look at that pure poetry right there) than halloumi. Have you tried grilling feta?! Crumbling mess is what springs to mind.

Try to stop panicking and sweating for a moment though, as some people have managed to get their hands on halloumi recently (!!), and Metro even contacted a few supermarkets to see how bad things really are.

A Tesco spokesperson healed broken hearts everywhere by confirming: “There are no halloumi shortages at Tesco.”

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Meanwhile, M&S soothed souls with the words we all needed to hear: “Sales are up 26 per cent on halloumi versus last year, and there’s no shortage to report!” Hall(oumi)elujah!

There’s conflicting opinion on whether or not there is actually a halloumi shortage happening right now, but we reckon there’s no harm in stockpiling, just in case. And if we’ve all been making a fuss about nothing and there is no halloumi crisis after all, just think what you could do with all that cheese!

Halloumi and veg skewers in your Tefal OptiGrill! Halloumi fries! Halloumi-topped burgers! Homemade Nando’s!

We could be getting ahead of ourselves though – we’re sorry if you’ve ended up drooling and disappointed. #PrayforHalloumi.