Tall, Dark, GSOH, Loves Guacamole...

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber,” are words everyone dreams of finding in their online dating profile inbox, yes? And everyone loves hearing all about their date’s meat and two veg before they meet up, right? Nope. That is never ok, unless you want to end up on some kind of register. As for a bit of cheese, that’s potentially forgivable – possibly.

From cheesy chat-up lines to aubergine emojis, food plays a big part in dating. The oh-so romantic spaghetti sharing of Lady and the Tramp might have evolved to innuendos over a plate of oysters in the First Dates restaurant, but whether it’s a candle-lit bistro or a cheeky Nando’s, a meal is always a decent option for a first date.

It’s a chance to really weigh someone up. How do they like their steak? Are they too shy to order dessert? Should you run a mile because they had garlic bread but might still expect a kiss?! It’s a baffling minefield.

But thanks to online dating, you can now suss out a potential suitor’s stance on food before you ever meet. And according to research carried out by dating site Zoosk, you could receive a lot more messages from suitors if you mention your love of food on your profile.

Zoosk found that the number one food to mention to receive an increase in messages is guacamole. Tall? Check. On fleek facial hair? Check. Loves smashed up spiced avocado? Check.

People who mentioned guac received 144 per cent more messages overall. Excuse us while we rush off to add guacamole to our list of likes, squeezed between romantic walks on the beach and going to the theatre (a must, if you want to look cultured. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only ever been to a panto starring the Chuckle Brothers – you enjoyed it, so it counts).

After good ol’ guac, potatoes were found to be the next best foodstuff to mention on a dating profile, with potato lovers receiving 101 per cent more messages overall. We’re not really sure why this is, unless it’s because Mr and Mrs Potato Head are everyone’s old married #couplegoals.

Chocolate was next, leading to a 100 per cent increase in inbound messages. Now, this one we can understand…yep, we’ll leave your mind to expand on that for itself.

Next up was salad, boosting incoming messages by 97 per cent. Lettuce think if there’s anything sexy we can say about salad…nope. But we guess saying you like it shows you look after yourself, so there’s that?!

Talking about pasta and cheese both won daters 75 per cent more messages – confirmation that it’s ok to be cheesy after all. Meanwhile, mentioning avocados boosted messages by 91 per cent on average and a 21 per cent increase could be expected for those being brave enough to mention aubergines. Something tells us this wasn’t usually just ‘I love a good aubergine stew’, but something a little naughtier.

Being cheeky enough to mention bananas was also appreciated it seems, with 66 per cent more messages for those taking about them on their profile.

At the other end of the scale, Zoosk found that the worst food to mention on a dating profile is yams, which typically led to a 70 per cent drop in messages. We can’t possibly think what people are saying about yams in order to make themselves appear more attractive. Just remember, yams are a serious mood killer.

Overall, people who called themselves a foodie received 82 per cent more messages, while those who used the word ‘cook’ got 26 per cent more.

So, what we take from this is that if you want to optimise your chances of online dating success, you need to mention somewhere in your profile that you like cooking guacamole-covered potatoes with a side of chocolate sauce. Make sure you specify potatoes though, not yams. No one likes a yam-lover.